


Miraculous Tango

by deinde_prandium, Lady3ellewrites, sukker_sugar, theladyfae



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (mentioned) - Freeform, Bee Chloé Bourgeois | Queen Bee, Butterfly Lila Rossi, Crack, Dragon Kagami Tsurugi | Ryuko, Fox Alya Césaire | Rena Rouge, Gen, Peacock Nathalie Sancoeur | Mayura, Song: Cell Block Tango (Chicago), Turtle Nino Lahiffe | Carapace, What more can I say, it's cell block tango, tw: abuse, tw: beheading, tw: death, tw: murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27390664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deinde_prandium/pseuds/deinde_prandium, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady3ellewrites/pseuds/Lady3ellewrites, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sukker_sugar/pseuds/sukker_sugar, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladyfae/pseuds/theladyfae
Summary: It was a murder, but not a crime(aka the ML Writers' Guild Discord strikes again)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 36





	Miraculous Tango

**Author's Note:**

> This all stemmed from a crack discussion about jonks on the MLWG discord. How did we get here? No clue.  
> Anyway, here's the original song: [Cell Block Tango (Chicago)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrrz54UtkCc)

**[SASS, spoken]**  
And now, the six savage superheroes of the Paris Prison de la Santé  
In their rendition of 'The Miraculous Tango'!

 **[GROUP]**  
Pop! Six! Swish! Uh uh! Contre-attaque, Wishlist!  
Pop! Six! Swish! Uh uh! Contre-attaque, Wishlist!  
Pop! Six! Swish! Uh uh! Contre-attaque, Wishlist!  
Pop! Six! Swish! Uh uh! Contre-attaque, Wishlist!  
He had it coming, he had it coming  
He only had himself to blame!  
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!  
Pop! Six! Swish! Uh uh! Contre-attaque, Wishlist!

 **[CARAPACE, spoken]**  
You know how some people just can’t help but bring you down? Like...Gabby. Any time you got your hopes up - pop! Never thought twice about bursting your bubble. But one day - and I won’t tell you how - I find out that this guy has been bursting bubbles left and right. Pop. Pop. Pop. So I say to Gabby - I say, “Gabby, you’ve got a chance to go good here. Do the right thing. But if you burst my bubble one more time...” And you know what he did? Pop. So I took my shield off my back and sent him a warning shot. And he lost his head. 

**[GROUP]**  
He had it coming, he had it coming  
He only had himself to blame!  
If you'd have been there, if you'd have heard it  
I betcha you would have done the same

 **[QUEEN BEE, spoken]**  
I met Gabriel Agreste aaages ago, when I was six. He was my Mum’s friend - stern, but hey, everyone has a parent like that, right? I was one of the privileged few to hang out with his son - I mean, it’s understandable, I’m the elite, right?  
So, anyway, I saw a lot of him when I hung out with Adrien. It was fun.  
Flashforward a few years and he’s gotten worse, stopping Adrien from seeing _me_. Can you imagine?  
So I go up to his office, asking – no, demanding – a word, and he has the gall to tell me he’s doing it for Adrien’s protection.  
And then I find out. Protection, he'd told me? Protection, my ass! Not only is he abusing him, oh no- he’s abusing the whole of Paris! One of those _akuma lovers_ , you know?  
So I thank him for his service, offer him a nice bottle of Champagne…  
Didn’t hear from him later. Well, you know, I guess some guys just can't hold their venom!

 **[GROUP]**  
He had it coming, he had it coming  
He was a bad guy all this time  
Because he used him; and he abused him  
It was a murder, but not a crime!

 **[RENA ROUGE, spoken]**  
I’m a pretty good chef, if I do say so myself. But Adrien’s skills were...subpar. That’s how I found myself standing in his kitchen, minding my own business, sharpening my knives for a lesson on how to butterfly a chicken for dinner. Swish. Then in stormed Gabriel in a fit of rage.  
"You’ve been corrupting my son!" he said. He didn’t want his son to be learning how to cook. That was a _commoner’s_ thing. Swish. But he was crazy, and he kept on screaming, "You’ve been corrupting Adrien!"  
He said he’d be making sure Adrien cut all ties with me. Swish. Mentioned this being the _perfect opportunity_. And then he ran into my knife! He ran into my knife ten times! 

And if you'd have been there, if you'd have seen him, I betcha you would have done the same!

 **[FARFALLA, spoken]**  
Quando ho incontrato Gabriele, mi ha prometto tutto. La fama, la fortuna...suo figlio. Tutto quello che dovevo fare era un piccolo favore. Dunque, due. E sempre più. Abbiamo fatto un accordo! Ma poteva tenerlo? Ovviamente no. Oltre al danno, anche la beffa! Allora, quando ho trovato il suo gran segreto, ho preso le cose nelle mie mani. Letteralmente. Io ci sono arrivata prima di quegli idioti mascherati, e….ho pareggiato i conti, capisci? Anche l’ho impostato Marinetta a prendere la caduta. Come avrei dovuto sapere che si potrebbe pensare Adriano l’ha fatto??

 **[RENA ROUGE, spoken]**  
Yeah, but did you do it?

 **[FARFALLA, spoken]**  
Uh uh, Marinetta!

 **[RYUKO, spoken]**  
My mother and I used to attend all these fancy events when we were in Paris. Gabriel was always there, with his son Adrien.  
One day, at a fencing tournament, Adrien had been a little out of it. _Parade, Riposte, Contre-attaque, Feinte, Coupé_ \- his opponents cut through his moves like he was a mere _Blason Jaune_. After the match, I saw Gabriel take him to the buffet room.  
I didn’t think much of it. He was probably getting him to eat to get him back on his feet.  
Later my mother sent me to get a glass of water. As I entered the room, I saw them. Gabriel, sword in hand. Landing a _contre-attaque_ on Adrien’s cheek.  
Well, you can imagine I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was washing the blood off my sword, that I even knew he was dead!

 **[GROUP]**  
He had it coming, He had it coming!  
He had it coming all along!  
I didn't do it, but if I'd done it  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?  
He had it coming, He had it coming!  
He had it coming all along!  
(He was a bad guy all this time)  
I didn't do it, but if I'd done it  
(Because he used him, and he abused him)  
How could you tell us that we were wrong?  
(It was a murder but not a crime)

 **[MAYURA, spoken]**  
I knew Gabriel had a wishlist  
It touched me more than I could possibly say  
He was a real ambitious guy. Artistic. A fashion designer. But he was troubled. So many...setbacks. And his greatest wish was to “bring his wife back.” He’d try every night to find a way, and along the way, he found…Nooroo, Duusuu and Liirii.  
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive  
And I saw him dead!

 **[GROUP]**  
The dirty hawk, hawk, hawk, hawk, hawk!  
The slimy moth, moth, moth, moth, moth!  
They had it coming, they had it coming  
They had it coming all along!  
'Cause if he used us, and he abused us  
How could you tell us that we were wrong?  
He had it coming, he had it coming  
He only had himself to blame!  
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same--

 **[GROUP, spoken]**  
You burst my bubble one more time--  
Protection my ass--  
Ten times--  
Ho pareggiato i conti!  
Landing a contre-attaque on Adrien’s cheek!  
Artistic differences—  
(sung)  
I betcha you would have done  
The same

 **[Officer Raincomprix]**  
Well… I’m not sure how all this ties together, really.


End file.
